


Taming Your Bard

by jaskiersvalley (connorssock)



Series: Care & Feeding of Companions [2]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Informational Leaflet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23158162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connorssock/pseuds/jaskiersvalley
Summary: Jaskier's book about the care of Witchers was a hit. It was only right that witchers now want Geralt's help in the care and keeping of a bard.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Care & Feeding of Companions [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664674
Comments: 21
Kudos: 598





	Taming Your Bard

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Domar a tu bardo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535286) by [ElAticodeunGato](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElAticodeunGato/pseuds/ElAticodeunGato)



Once Jaskier’s book on a Bard’s Guide To Keeping Your Witcher Happy is published, it sells better than hot cakes. Which means that not just bards and other folk but also witchers hear of it too. It makes for a much more entertaining winter over at Kaer Morhen because while Geralt tries to keep it quiet that he’s going back there, of course word of it spreads and so it ends up with the whole family back together. Lambert is especially bad for teasing Geralt over his bard. But there’s an underlying hint of desire there too, a hope that because Geralt had someone to accompany him on The Path like Jaskier, that others might have such luck too.

After a few too many ales and laughing jabs, things get a little more serious. Well, as serious as a handful of witchers relaxing can get.

“So, you have your bard. He’s written a whole book about how to look after you. What would you say to a fellow Wolf on the ensnaring and keeping of a wild bard?”

It would have been a funny question were it not for several sets of hopeful eyes on Geralt. And Eskel at the end of the table, poised with parchment and quill. They bicker a lot about what to include but in the end, there’s a decent leaflet that will be included in every witcher’s pack from now on.

## Taming Your Bard

> _Foreword_  
>  There is no such thing as a domesticated or tamed bard. They always were and always will be free spirits who pick and choose their travels. You will merely endure their company for the length of their choosing.

> **Obtaining a Bard**  
>  You do not choose a Bard. The Bard chooses you. Just sit in a corner and brood. They seem to like that. Whatever happens, do not tell them you like their singing. Especially not after midnight in an inn. You don’t get coin thrown at you for that. You just get thrown out.

> **Socialising Your Bard  
> ** Bards, by their nature, are very social creatures. But they like to shine, be different, the odd one out at the top of the pile. To keep your Bard truly happy, make sure they have a range of social opportunities. Take contract at courts, in towns, villages and remote regions too.

> Your Bard will try to befriend anyone and anything, including creatures. If it looks friend shaped, your Bard will claim it as his own. Even if it is a rock. Especially if it is a rock. ~~Or has the emotional capacity of a rock, like Geralt: Eskel’s side note.~~

> Sometimes Bards thrive on not just social contact but also social conflict. Ensure you are always within range of your Bard, particularly in court. They have a knack for getting embroiled in rather convoluted messes. And their idea of getting out of it is by running to their Witcher.

> And no matter what, do not let your Bard dress you.

> **Your Bard and Love**  
>  Be very careful with your Bard’s heart. While they only have one to give, it is given over and over again to anyone who so much as lays an eye on it. This is not because the Bard no longer wants you. Simply put, Bards pack a lot of love into small bodies and it constantly overflows.

> However, a Bard may give you his heart. At which point, in no way are you allowed to rip it to shreds, tear it up and chase said Bard away. ~~Yennefer’s addition, along with a smack to the back of Geralt’s head. She just portaled in and left after delivering Geralt something. Oh. Hi Jaskier: Eskel’s side note.~~

> Anyway. Bard. Hearts. Love.

At this point, Geralt stops, peters off into silence and can’t quite look Jaskier in the eyes. And the other understand. Kind of. They shuffled the piece of paper out of the way but not before Jaskier has caught a glance and smiles widely. While he doesn’t say anything then, the next morning, there are copies of the leaflet, enough for all the gathered Witchers to have a copy. And there’s a final addition.

**A Bard’s Note**  
Your Bard is only happy if he can sing your praises and knows that on some level you enjoy it. Bickering is great fun but he will never sing something that intentionally hurts you. So give him adventure, give him inspiration, give him the opportunity to move as it pleases him. But, most importantly, give him a home and a heart to come home to.

**Author's Note:**

> More stories on tumblr - search @jaskiersvalley.


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